Great things happen every single day. Sometimes these great things manifest themselves in the form of parties. Don't automatically think I'm gonna go on and talk about "Hey bro, this is how we PARTAYYY!" No. This is all about theme, January Jones. The theme MAKES the party... And also the people... And also the like food and stuff because I'm all about a good smorgasbord (French for "really neat bord). Now, I am a news man, so it's only fair that I do some interviews for this post. That being said, I did not do any interviews because life isn't fair. Did you learn a lesson just now? Yes you did.
20 or 14 PARTY IDEAS FOR 2014
Cauliflower Party - Wow, what a dumb theme, right? WRONG AGAIN, DAD! Pardon my French, but a cauliflower party is literally the cremé de la cremé of vegetable related theme parties. Rule number 1? Most things have to end with -iflower: answer the phoniflower, hand me that napkiniflower, don't talk to me like that in front of my friendsiflowers, etciflower. You might be thinking, in like, sort of that thinking-under-your-breath way that you do, "Well doesn't that kinda narrow the cuisine?" NOPE. It doesn't, Shirley. You have great food, it's called cauliflower and YOU. WILL. LOVE. IT.
Dress Like Penguins Party - In my life, there have always been questions that pop into my brain that need to be answered or I write a blog post about life not being fair, like: "What's the sun made out of," or, "why do people like tuna fish," or, "why is this man so loud in the bathroom, I'm sure it's not that bad?" One of these such questions has been, "When people wear tuxedoes, why do they call it a penguin suit?" Because it's black and white? Wrong; because all tuxedoes are made out of bad penguins, like ones that rob banks, are in batman, or the ones with the little kerfuffle on their cabesas (Greek for brain). Anywho, the Dress like Penguins Party is a party that will allow you to steer clear of wearing a DeVito, and start LIVING real LIFE. Dress up like an American Hero: the penguin. They sell onesies, make it happen. Foods include: Oreos, Ice, very cold water.
Mulan Party - Only one requisite: you must be swift as the coarsing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon. Also, bring little dragons that are ethnically confused. Added bonus: you get to defeat the Huns.
California Gold Rush Party - Alls you gotta do is know how awesome gold is, dress like a dirty hobo, and fight people with pic axes. The food is bad though because it has to have dirt on it.
Ten Plagues of Egypt Party - Dress up like you've been afflicted by your favorite (least favorite?) plague! Moses was bad motor-scooter, and ain't nobody wanted to mess with him. Impossible to dress the part, you say? Well I beg to differ, literally. Please please please may I differ? Okay. Well, you really hate frogs or locust or blood or boils or not being able to see the sun. It's really quite simple. We'll leave the last plague alone because WOW THATS SAD! And we don't want sad parties, now do we? Unless of course it's a
Be Really Sad Party - Think of all the tissues and Cymbalta(TM) prescriptions we'll be handing out! Can't miss on this party, also known as a Sometimes Christmas Party or Tax Day Wasn't So Great Party. Refreshments include tears.
Like Seriously What Month Even Is It Party? - I would hope that this party explain itself. You live in America, you're young, maybe you're old, you have bills, you have a job, you have three, count 'Em, THREE pet turtles; (cool semi-colon, bro) life is very confusing. Sometimes you just have to ask someone, after a very cordial and slightly flirtatious and maybe a little gassy conversation, "Like seriously, what month even is it?" It's a fun time. Refreshments include: forgetting to bring refreshments.
Celebrities or Athletes That Look a Little Bit Like an Alien Party - More costume oriented than anything, but this can be great! You have a ton of possibilities! Here are a few:
Kevin Durant (actually explains a lot), Amanda Seyfried (girl from Dear John. First letter to John, "Dear John, I'm having a great time here on earth? Why do you earthlings fight so much? I am an alien." It's okay because Channing Tatum, also an alien, can't read),
Fergie (Lady Humps, yeah right),
Gilbert Gottfried (like you need an explainatiln),
Barak Obama (sorry, prezzy),
all those ones from the housewives shows,
Sarah Jessica Parker (lovely woman but she'd be a 10 as an alien I'm guessing), and Batman.
I purposely didn't put Kareem Abdul Jabbar on there because he had powers and I'm afraid. Refreshment possibilities include Reese's pieces and twizzlers I think. Not an alien so I don't really know. Also I don't look like an alien (yes huh).
Pizza Party - Can't stop, won't stop.
AN EVEN BIGGER PIZZA PARTY!!! - Also known as my birthday if you wanna be a real pal! We're talkin BBQ Chicken pizza, Alfredo pizza, cheese in the crust is a must! Do not even try to fight me on that! You dress like a normal person, and you abandon all concepts of what a diet is. I will eat my weight in pizza, and you will still love me... Please.
11:11 Paruy - HA! I misspelled party and I'm not even gonna change it! What do you think about that, brain? (Levi's brain doesn't like it so much, actually) Anyway, this party can only last for two minutes tops, and that's if you take a break for 12 hours in the middle. The point is the have a bunch of people make the same wish at the same time. The wish will be that they give you all of their money after they convert it into gold. Don't be so uptight, it's a party. You don't need any refreshments.
Republican Party - Not sure if this has been established yet, but I think it'd be really neat to get a bunch of people together that control industries and just talk about the good ole days. I really hope this party idea isn't taken yet. Refreshments are located in the sauna!
Democratic Party - Just vote on stuff. Lol just kidding. In this party we are all named Al Gore and it's your fault that the earth is crying. Refreshments are for winners, and we are all created equal.
Retail Store Party - Go into a major store chain (the crap do you mean?) such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Stein-Mart, Target, Walgreens, not CVS, Kroger, Albertsons, HEB I SERIOUSLY DO NOT CARE JUST PICK ONE! And find a spot to sit down, pull together some lawn chairs, a grill, some charcoal, and start grilling. It's not a crime to set fires in stores, I checked. Listen, if they want to display things for use and not let us use them, that's their prerogative. But, I get very confused about social parameters and sometimes a "No DO NOT DO THAT," sounds very much like, "Be yourself and have fun!" It will be nobody's fault but theirs.
Peace, love, and Scalabrine.
-Levi
No comments:
Post a Comment