That title seems provocative, doesn't it? Well, it's "that way" for a reason. You see, I've noticed lately that some people (maybe me) have been trying out some HOT new ways to get some attention.
You may be thinking, "Levi... watch it. People can see this."
If you are thinking that, my response to you would be this: SHUT UP! I'm a GROWN MAN-CHILD! You're NOT MY MOMMA!
Sorry...
Anyway, I mentioned hotness. I mentioned ways to get attention. And I mentioned them conjunctively. Now, Mr. and Mrs. Impatience, it's time I get to the point. But first I have to say something that has nothing to do with anything, say something else, and use an Oxford Comma. There, NOW I'll get to the point. Attention is important, whether you are the attention giver, or the attention getter. The REAL question is, "Why the heck do I want to GIVE attention? I WANTS IT FOR MYSELF!"
Here is a list of the Top 5, or however many I can make up, ATTENTION GETTERS.
1. Wear stuff that blends in with the street.
This might seem counterintuitive(<- WOW THAT'S A BIG WORD), but trust me. Let's say you're walking down the road, "You're walking down the road." Thanks. Anyway, if you're walking down the road, like you do sometimes, and you're dressed in clothes that look like the road, people won't see you.... at first.
BUT, here is a tip for you men (boys) out there: Hot girls don't look at the road when they drive, they're too busy texting or NOT putting on make-up... yeah right.
So, WHEN they hit you with their Toyota Priuses or totally super cute Mini Coops that they saw on pinterest and like totally couldn't wait until their 18th birthday to get it so they made their Daddies buy it sooner because they sent him a text that said this: "Well maybe I'll get it WHEN I DIE ;(", and they will hit you, they'll be forced to talk to you. Attention, consider yourself GOT!
2. Work "Wonka" Into Real Words
Watch the Wonkavision. Take the Wonkavator. Go to the Wonkabathroom. People will look at you like, "What the CRAP did he just say?" like they're offended and junk. But then, something WONKGLORIUS happens: they realize you love either Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp (let's be real, it's obviously Gene Wilder) just a little too much. And that's okay. That's natural(ed. note: no it isn't). But when people realize this, they're either interested, or they're Wonkarunning away really fast for some reason that I'll never figure out. Maybe they're just going to watch Wonka on the Wonkavision.
(do not EVER try this in real life.)
3. Talk About How Much You Love Kia Cars, Especially If You Don't Own One
Hey, it works for Blake Griffin.
4. Be Kanye West.
Okay, let it be known that I do not condone anything that Kanye West does, and neither does his dentist. BUT (that's a big but. HA! Sorry..) if what you're after is attention, he's your role model. Tell Taylor Swift she sucks, Get gold teeth(that dentist comment I made makes sense now, doesn't it?), wreck up a car, and finally, my favorite, make Mike Myers feel really awkward by saying, on National TV, "George Bush does not care about black people." As a matter of fact, if you work that into your everyday vernacular(speech and junk), you'll get attention. You'll be wrong and people won't like you very much, but you'll get attention.
5. A REALLY GREAT ATTENTION GETTER
Be just way over the top good looking. This is the one I use.
BONUS:
Okay, okay. I know that some of you (twilight readers) were reading this in hopes that you would discover something that would help you out RELATIONSHIP-WISE. Well, I've got just the thing for you. Forget about everything about Twilight and Harry-Potter. Forget they ever happened. Forget the books. Forget the awful movies(I know one more is coming out, DO NOT SEE IT). Forget the fact that you spent roughly 8 thousand dollars on memorabilia and movie tickets. Forget which character Facebook told you that you were "most like" (everyone seemed to get "Ron" and that one Vampire... John-Boy?).
I know this is hard. I know that every time you think about the series' ending, you get sad, like Bella ALWAYS IS (I wouldn't be happy either, her husband is ugly and weird and her pet dog loves her daughter). But it's gonna be okay, really. Just get the crap over it. "But how will I replace such a staple in my LIFE?"
Well... Like this:
Start cooking EVERYTHING that Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray tell you to! Now, if you're a guy, this is probably more beneficial to you. I'm not saying that guys aren't completely drawn to a woman who can cook someone under the table (not an actual saying), but, girls, if you cook, your husband or boyfriend WILL get fat. For guys, well, girls don't really WANT you to cook. They just really love it when you surprise them with it. And they won't think you're gay (ph... yeah right), they'll just appreciate it when you say, "Hey, I made you a romantic creme brulee." They'll think, at first, "WHAT THE JUNK?? THAT'S MY JOB!" But then, they'll smell it, and it'll smell delicious. They'll love it. They'll brag to their friends about it. And you won't have to do it again for six months. It's perfect.
That's all I've got.
Stay honest. Eat Taco Bell.
-Levi
