November 25, 2008

So I've been thinking, "I am pretty much the toughest man alive."
You may be thinking, "Yeah right Levi, you must've forgotten that we can see you in all your pansy gayness."
Well if you're thinking that thought then this is for you.
Sure, I may be scrawny, not muscular, I don't listen to rap, and I'm extremely attractive, but that doesn't make me not tough. In fact, James Johnson(Best Friend) and I(Levi) are probably the two toughest individuals you could ever have the pleasure of meeting.
James and I were speaking of this recently and we started to list a few manly, tough things we've done in our lives.

James and Levi's Conversation


James: "Levi. Ma Broseph, we're pretty manly."


Levi: "Truth my dear brother, notice the very manner in which we speaketh."


James: "Word. It be a cross betweeneth Olde English and pimp nasty thug speak. $!*."


Levi: "Your colorful language amuseth me, snitches!!! Let's stop, it's getting annoying."


James: "Yeah I was just about to say that. Wanna talk about manly, tough stuff we've done?"


Levi: "I'm down."


James: "One time a Crocodile came into our house and, out of neccessity, I made it my bride."


Levi: "I understand. I gave someone Denghay Fever one time and I didn't even have it, I didn't even know what it is. Still don't."


James: "Whoa. Once I spear-gunned a polar bear and wore it's skin and fur to school the next day."


Levi: "So that's what that was about? I ran myself over with a riding mower and I'm perfectly fine. Then I ran over my fat brother with the same riding mower.... That didn't turn out so good."


James: "Ummm...What? You crazy mexican. I wrapped a giant piece of metal around my hand and went around punching the Elderly and the Fats. Then I stole their electric scooters."


Levi: "Now who's the Mexican? Jolly good. Once at Sonic I was pretty sick of making Cherry Limeades. So the next person that ordered one, instead of getting a Cherry Limeade, he got a Cherry Urine-ade...Extra Urine cuz I had been saving up."


James: "That's just disturbing and scary. I pretended like I wanted to seduce Al Gore, and when I got him alone I said no and sent him out on the street naked and ashamed."


Levi: "Impressive. Okay I got a really good one. Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I leave in my Strawberry Conditioner for like ten minutes so my hair is EXTRA SMOOTH!!!"


James: "YEAH!!! Wait. That wasn't manly at all."


Levi: "What if instead of 'Shower' I said 'Bubble Bath?"


James: "Yeah that works. I hug my parents and tell them I love them when it's my bed time, 7:00, and then I allow them to tuck me in and I tell them I appreciate it!"


Levi: "That's SO MANLY!!! YESSS!!! Ahem, sometimes I do my own laundry and I make my bed twice daily so chores are easier on the rest of the family."


James: "You are hardcore my friend. Once I cooked dinner for my family. Afterwards I went over to the neighbors house and babysat their kids. I breastfed the smallest one a little... He was 9."


Levi: "Awkward, probably don't tell anyone else that bro. Sometimes I spoon-feed my miniature Chihuhuas Cutsie and Wootsie and then I make cute little pink dog dresses for them, I use a lot of lace."


James: "Whoa Bro, we've entered the stratosphere of Toughness."


Levi: "I agree. Well that's all for now. Shout-outs go to.."


James: "Levi? Who are you talking to?"


Levi: "Oh, right, sorry."


Well that's all for now.


Shout-outs go to: "Quotation Marks", James, Animals.


By
Levi Seymour