Pick Up Lines

Quite often, people come up to me and ask, "Levi, what's with the turtleneck?"
Usually i'm pretty frustrated at this because 1. I don't wear turtlenecks, and 2. I got stuff to do other than solve riddles.
Anyway, and I don't know why, but i've recently been reminded of how great pick up lines are. Pick up lines are THE BEST! Have you ever been walking down the street and seen a good-lookin lady and thought, "That is a good lookin lady... If only I could say something to break the ice."
That's where pick up lines come in.
If you didn't already know, pick up lines save the day more often than Audrey Hale gets messed up on Claritin. Does Audrey Hale really get messed up on Claritin? I don't know. I don't make the news, I just report it whether it's true or not. Back to the point, I have come up with a list of pick up lines and how they work.


List of Pick Up Lines


1. "Hey pretty lady, that's a nice hat." - This pick up line works like a charm, especially if the girl is actually wearing a hat. The girl will think "This is a really nice hat, I'm glad he noticed. Now I will continue to talk to him," or, if she is not wearing a hat, she will look at you funny and intensely. This is a good thing. When she looks at you funny and intensely, she will see that you are devilishly handsome and continue talking to you(if you are not devilishly handsome, wear a hat).

2. "Hey girl, wanna go out for some tasty delicious beats?" - It is important to note that only a certain type of girl will be receptive to this line: the beat girl. The beat girl is easy to spot as she will frequently talk about beats, draw pictures of beats, or even compare every day things to beats, "That guy looks JUST like a beat," she will say. Anyway, the beat girl will almost never turn down an invite for tasty delicious beats, especially if they are both tasty AND delicious. After the beat dinner, you can feel pretty safe about this girl having feelings for you. Like Melissa Donham says, "If you got beats in common, it's destiny."

3. "Hola Chica, what's your favorite type of watermelon?" - Upon hearing this line, the girl in question will experience a number of emotions. Firstly, she will be surprised at being spoken to in another language, "This guy is bilingual," she will say, probably out loud. Secondly, she will begin to try and decide which watermelon is her favorite, "How many different types of watermelon are there?" she will think. She will be instantly enamored with such a smart, bilingual, inquisitive man/boy who seems to know a lot about watermelon.

4. "Hey, whatever." - This never works, don't try it. You will be slapped, and like Brett Land says, "Man, it sucks gettin slapped."

Well, that's all the pick up lines i've learned. Hopefully they are of some help, and if they aren't it's just because you did it wrong.
Gahblessya.

By
Levi Seymour