How to Make a Baby

Ladies and ladies and ladies and gentlemen, as it is reaching finals week and major projects are almost due, there has only been one question on my mind: Where do babies come from?

Frankly, i'm not the only one who has been wondering this question out loud. Often times I will be walking, strolling if you will, through Wal-Mart and I'll hear a young child or a small dog offer the same inquiry: Where do babies come from? Or, "Arf arf arfies arf arf?" <-- That's what dogs sound like.
This is an epidemic ladies and gentlemen. That being said, it is my duty as a human being to find an answer to this question for myself, for small children, and for dogs.

To answer this question, I have consulted the most trusted source: Disney. Before the movie "Up" begins playing, you will notice a digital short of sorts. The difference between this digital short and others that Pixar has offered is that it is real and scientific. Real scientific. This short depicts storks bringing babies of all species to proud parents everywhere.
Storks? Is that really all there is to it? Well that doesn't make sense... why would they call it "making a baby" or "having a baby" if there aren't any ingredients? If all I have to do is ask a friggin stork to bring me a kid, what am I responsible for? I didn't make ANYTHING!

Well this answer just doesn't satisfy me at all, so I've come up with a list of things I think could be an alternative to the popular, yet totally wrong and stupid, theory of storks.


THE LIST:

1. Well for a couple to have a baby, there has to be two people involved... I think, I'm not really sure. Anyway, if you have to "make" a baby, there has to be ingredients, like flour or something. My recipe for a baby would be as follows:

1 bag of hair - a baby has to have hair
600 gallons of water - i just think that's the right amount
9 eggs - eggs are delicious
42 ounces of meat loaf - so the baby can have strong arms
30 pounds of pizza dough - this will be the baby's body, i think babies weigh 30 pounds.
preparation: mix it up and put it in the oven for 9 months and then you have a fresh, really hot baby.

I'm not gonna say this theory has no flaws, but it's better than the stork idea.

2. My second idea is based on the fact that the lady who is the baby's mom generally gets a big stomach right before the baby happens. I think this happens because the mom eats a whole lot so the baby won't be self conscious about his fat belly (what, you don't think babies are fat? they are).
Anyway, I also found out that a family usually goes to the hospital before the baby arrives. This leads me to believe that the hospital just has babies stock-piled in a room somewhere and they'll only give them out once a woman's belly is big enough that the baby won't have his feelings hurt.

3. Well... it could be that babies are all around us but they're just really sneaky and fast so we never see them. In order to "have" a baby, you must first catch the baby. After being caught, they stop being fast and sneaky because they're ashamed of themselves.

4. Babies are robots and you have to build them.

So ladies and ladies and ladies and gentlemen, i'm still not entirely certain of how babies are made/built, but i'm pretty sure i'm close. Text me if you find out what the answer really is, bye!!!!