You know it broseph. Probably the hardest worker there is. I don't like to brag, but why work if I can't tell everybody how hard I'm working? Well guess how hard i'm working. Go ahead, guess. I'M WORKING THE HARDEST!!!
You may be thinking, "Levi, you are the single laziest person I know. In fact, you didn't even take a shower today and you woke up at noon."
Well... if you are thinking that, I'm going to have to ask you to stop creeping on me. Anyway, you also might be wondering why I work so hard.
The answer is simple, it's because I like getting hit on by people that see me work hard. I'll just be doing my job when I'll spot some ladies off in the distance and then WHAM!!! I'll kick it into turbo mode. What is "Turbo Mode" you ask? Well let me give you some examples...
Examples of Turbo Mode, (Volume 1)
1. The first example of Turbo Mode is "Turbo Strength."
This is for when you are doing really hard manual labor, such as quilting... I mean, such as bashing concrete in half with your bare hands, WITHOUT GLOVES!!!
See, nobody in their right mind would ever attempt to just bash some concrete in half without gloves, but somebody in their Turbo mind just might. The result of this is that either the girls in the distance will notice you and be impressed by your strenghth, or they will notice you and be afraid and tell their friends who will be impressed by your strength. Win-win situation compadre.
*Disclaimer* Sometimes when you're in Turbo Strength Mode, you can't stop bashing concrete and you can get in trouble for that if you're not under contract.
2. The second example of Turbo Mode is "Turbo Brains."
Turbo Brains is for when you have a smart guy job, such as a scientist, a doctor, a sceince doctor, or a doctor of sceince... or a Gaybrarian, sometimes called "Librarians." Now you might be saying out loud, "Smart guys are pansy guys, how can they have a Turbo Mode at all?"
Well the answer to that is simple. The answer is, "Shut up."
Well whenever a smart guy is just doin his business around wherever smart guys do business, probably sceince labs or gaybraries, they often spot curious ladies. They think to themselves,(thats what smart guys do, they think)how am I going to make that lady notice me when i'm not strong enough to lift a pencil? Then all these smart guys eventually figure it out and walk up to a girl, after hours of prep, and begin to recite to them interesting tidbits they have learned over the course of their sceintific life, such as "There are over 200 types of seagulls in delaware alone" or "I can brush my teeth without moving my arms." Some of these tidbits may or may not be true, but you have to believe these guys because they use big words.
3. The last, and my personal favorite type of Turbo Mode, is "Turbo Heart."
This, as you might have guessed, deals almost exclusively with the ladies. Now this type of Turbo Mode doesn't come with any specific job, but it probabaly helps if you're in some type of customer service such as a McDonalds man, a handy man, and a man man. The last one isn't a job, at least i don't think it is. Anyway, the way you can tell that a fella has his Turbo Heart turned on is that he'll most likely be surrounded by ladies. Either that or he'll be with just one lady but they'll be like intensely flirtatious to the point where its not even uncomfortable for anybody to just stare at them or even take pictures.
Well these are the reasons I work, and although I probably have never had a Turbo Mode moment before, I've definitely seen a few. And that's what I'm striving for, a Turbo Mode moment, and by golly, i'ma have one one of these days.
-Levi
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