Top 5 Secrets to a Successful Relationship

It was a dark and stormy night as Persius ascended the frozen slope of Mt. Olympus. He was near the summit when he remembered that he had nothing to do with this blog post and then I started writing about what the title suggests. (<- That was me being weird) Anyway, Brianne (My lady friend) and I(Levi) will be celebrating our 20 month anniversary tomorrow. "WOW!" you might be thinking, "That's a long time!"
It is a long time. In fact, it's an incredible, almost UNBELIEVABLE amount of time. Not a bad thing, but one starts to develop certain secrets to success in a long-term(forever is pretty long term) relationship. My TOP 5 SECRETS TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP follow:

5. Be Dashing

Not dashing like Prince Charming or a really dressed up Robert Downey Jr., but dashing like REALLY FAST. Your woman should appreciate it if you can run, jump, throw stuff, or dance really fast. Trust me, I can do all of those things and that fact is not lost on Brianne. Time and again she says to me, "It's pretty cool how you're so fast at jumping and throwing stuff." And it's true. I jump so fast, I'm like the fastest jumper there is. Someone wanted me to do a jumping fast commercial but I didn't want to brag or make anyone jealous. (ed. note: Levi just lied... A LOT)

4. Tell People in Other Cars What To Do When You're Driving

"Hey man, turn on your lights because it's DARK!" or "Hey, be better at driving!" are both great examples. Authority, as well as supremacy and general intelligence are exhibited in situations such as these. Wow. Your girlfriend or wife or whatever will think you're the best dude ever. "Oh man he's so commanding and cares about safety!" It's a win-win.

3. Tell All Your Mates That She's The Prettiest Girl Ever

Even if your mates' girlfriend is standing right there. And you can go ahead and look right at their girlfriend when you say this, as if to say, "Yeah, not you, Plain Jane." Except don't say this to me because my girlfriend IS the prettiest and I'll beat you up.

2. Be The Right Amount of Chivalrous

Is chivalry dead? Who cares, we're not talking about that. What is important is knowing the RIGHT amount of chivalry. I get her door pretty much all the time, I'll carry sfurr, and I'll hold umbrellas or whatever. BUT, I'm not going to go overboard and lay my jacket down in a puddle so she can step on it. Do you know how ridiculous that is??? Yeah, the bottom of her foot is dry but my jacket is trash. I can't even wear it now, what if I get cold? I suppose I'll look like an idiot all night.

1. Just Be Nice

I've seen dudes make mistakes before where they forget this rule and be mean. Like his woman will say, "Hey can you grab my jacket for me because I'm very cold?" And he'll say, "SHUTUP AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" Ooh... no, sir. Probably just a simple "Yes" would have worked. Nice-ness works almost all the time to promote a healthy relationship. Whether it be not watching basketball and spending time with her, carrying stuff, buying stuff, not saying mean stuff, or telling her that her hair looks pretty, being nice is really great.


That's all.


-Levi